Candy's Retrospections
- New York -
Below are translated excerpts of CCFS Part III, of Candy’s retrospections on (i) Susanna and her death, and (ii) her reunion with Terry in New York and their subsequent separation, (iii) Annie’s letter urging her not to give up on Terry, and (iv) the aftermath of the fateful trip to New York.
These translations were made by Ms. Hanabi Ito, a professional translator retained by the Terry’s Angels. She is a native Japanese speaker who studied at university in the United States, and currently resides in the USA. We chose her because she is from a younger generation. She has never watched the CC anime, read the CC manga or previously published CC novels. Her translations therefore contains no bias.
Under the translated excerpts, we also included Ms. Hanabi’s comments to our questions (if any). Her explanations gives us a lot of insights and helps to dispel many myths perpetrated by Alfans who have been offering up their own manipulated translations.
CCFS Part III is written in epistolatory format and is not divided into Chapters. Therefore, no chapter number is indicated in our citations for Part III.
Candy’s feelings on Susanna and her death.
CCFS Vol 2. Japanese edition, Part III, p. 281.
It has already been several years since I saw Suzanna Marlow’s obituary. I only read that article once, but it has stuck to my memory.
Suzanna has passed away . . .
The moment I found out, I fell down into my couch as if all the strength left my body. I couldn’t breathe, and tears would not stop flowing out of my eyes.
In the obituary, there was a photo of Suzanna smiling in her wheelchair. I learned that Suzanna was composing dramatic pieces while doing her job as a narrator. The article stated that a few of her compositions had been played.
It was commonly known that she was close with Terius Graham. They lived together and he supported her as she fought against her illness. However, Suzanna and Terius were only engaged, and never got married.
The discourse from Terius has not been disclosed.
Translator’s Comments:
Q: What does it mean here “close with”? does it have romantic connotation? Or does this just mean they were close? How is this phrase to be understood generally?
A: This line on its own doesn’t have any romantic connotations. The word for “being close to someone” is used. Could mean friendship, could mean romantic relationship.
Romeo & Juliet Performance
CCFS Vol. 2 Japanese edition, excerpts from Part III, pp. 217-219.
I have been thinking about Mr. Albert as well, but more than that, I get to see Terry!
I’m going to be able to see Terry soon!
Terius Graham was selected to play the leading role of Romeo in the performance of “Romeo and Juliet.” The up-and-coming beauty Suzanna Marlow was chosen to play Juliet. The gossip magazines have already written about the relationship between the two, but I haven’t really been worried about it, because I knew how Terry felt.
When Terry came to Chicago to perform in “King Lear,” we kept crossing paths without seeing each other, and I never actually got to speak to him. But I went to go see his performance, even though that meant that I had to play hooky from my job as a night duty nurse… And Terry who waited for me until dawn in front of the same hospital . . . Just by knowing what we did for each other, that was enough. Yes . . . the reason why I came back to the United States—just by those actions, it was not necessary for me to speak to Terry.
After that, the letter that I sent to the Stratford Theater Company that I addressed to Terry was never delivered. No, it wasn’t handed to Terry even if it was delivered.
Suzanna Marlow—
Back then, the amount of rage made me want to cry, but now I feel like I understand the way Suzanna felt. When you love someone from the bottom of your heart, your feelings cannot stay pure.
Romeo and Juliet. The most memorable program from the May Festival. Terry had promised me that he would invite me to that performance. He told me that he would even get me a train ticket, and I was on top of the world. This time, I finally get to see Terry. That’s all I could think about.
When leaving for New York on the first train of the day, Stair seldom came to send me off all by himself. Stair who stood on the platform in the morning mist. That’s the last of Stair I saw.
The music box that Stair gave me then . . . the tone of it. I cannot even begin to think of how much that tone has comforted me.
As I bite my lip and hold my tears, it felt like something was moving me towards the living room. On the table, a jewelry box made of inlay woodwork still sits. As I open the lid of the jewelry box once again, I picked up the tiny music box. The music box that Stair made for me — “The machine that makes Candy happy.”
Annie’s Letter to Candy
CCFS Vol. 2 Japanese edition, excerpts from Part III, pp. 230-233.
(Note: In CCFS, the letter did not include a salutation addressing Candy, but, this is a letter from Annie addressed to Candy.)
The sky is grey, and it seems like it’s about to start raining.
I hated this kind of weather since I was a young child. It makes me feel anxious. Such days like this when we were at Pony’s house, Candy, you basically pretended to be my older sister and read me pleasant books.
I can’t stop thinking about the chicken pie I baked with Patty that you didn’t finish. Usually, when I make the chicken pie using Ms. Pony’s recipe, you tell me that it’s starting to taste more and more like Ms. Pony’s and end up eating my slice as well.
Patty and I feel like maybe you’re worried about something other than Mr. Albert.
About Stair passing away . . . I don’t know what to say—I have no words. I didn’t have many opportunities to talk to him, but through Archie, I always felt close to him. I also know that he was supportive of Archie and I as well.
When I think of Patty, I end up not knowing what to do. If I start to think what if this had happened to Archie, just by thinking that makes me understand how much Patty is suffering. Patty is so admirable for enduring this whole thing. But, the reason why I thought to write to you today isn’t because of Patty. It’s because I’m so worried about you Candy. I haven’t said anything about this to you because I knew that being asked this would be painful for you but, I know! Candy! I know how tough it must have been separating with Terry—.
That snowy day when you came back from New York so quickly, it’s even painful for me to think about how much of a mess you were. The reason why you had such a high fever. That has nothing to do with you being ill, does it?
You left with such excitement traveling to go see Terry—. After that, you told me in a cheerful manner that you decided that you won’t be seeing Terry anymore because of various reasons, and that was why you had come home so quickly.
It was so clear to me that you were trying to hide the pain, and it made me sad too. I was picked up with you, and we grew up together! I think that I understand your feelings more than anyone, the same way you understand me!
I did some research after that. Looking at newspapers, magazines, even gossip magazines. So, I think I understand most of what happened. That Suzanna Marlow was heavily injured during rehearsal when some lighting equipment fell on her. That she was now going to have to spend her whole life in a wheel chair. That this all happened because she tried to protect him with her whole body . . . by slamming her body into Terry’s—.
But the rumor that Suzanna Marlow was Terry’s girlfriend is a lie! They wrote about this as if she sacrificed herself, but that was Suzanna’s choice!
I can imagine how much Terry must have suffered because of Suzanna getting injured. She ruined the bright future she had, all for him. Terry isn’t some irresponsible man. If he was, there is no way you would have been so in love with him.
I am frustrated! I am so frustrated Candy! I can’t help but feel, what if Terry was Archie?
I would never be able to give up . . . ! Even with Suzanna’s presence, I would never be able to give up!
If I’m completely honest, I think Archie still likes you. Don’t even start to deny it. I know everything what Archie as feeling as well. Even knowing that, I never gave up on Archie.
Yes Candy. There was a time I felt resentment towards you as well. But little by little, I sense that Archie has started to accept me as well.
Candy, why did you give up on Terry so quickly and come home! I’m sure you’ve read articles on Terry after that as well. There’s rumors of him being engaged to Suzanna. The reviews of his plays are all terrible. They say it’s not a pretty sight. His acting lacks spirit, so much so that the company can’t protect him anymore. It’s a matter of time when he’s going to be let go. Terry is suffering so much, but Suzanna still won’t let go of him, and that makes me loathe her!
Candy, you listen to anything I have to say when I’m facing problems right? But Candy, you never talk to me about your problems . . .
Please, don’t give up on Terry so easily! Candy . . . I don’t like it!
I can’t speak so well. But I couldn’t sit still, so I had to write to you. I pray every day. About you, and about Mr. Albert. I hope that next time I see you, I get to see the happy Candy I’m used to seeing!
From Annie
Reflections on Visit to New York
CCFS Vol. 2 Japanese edition, excerpts from Part III, pp. 234-238.
I couldn’t hold my tears from the letter that Annie gave me. It made me so happy to learn how Annie felt. I acted happily as always but as Annie felt, when I was alone, I cried so much it made me angry. It was strange that my spring of tears never dried up, no matter how much I cried.
— I’ll never be able to see Stair.
And I’ll never be able to see Terry, even if I wished…
Back then… something Annie didn’t know about. About Suzanna Marlow. That I found out that Suzanna loved Terry so much that she was putting her life at stake.
Suzanna was not a bad person.
That snowy day, I went to go see Suzanna at the hospital. Until then I thought of her Suzanna’s injury much slighter. Because Terry didn’t even tell me about Suzanna’s accident.
I found out about Suzanna at the theater. I thought it was weird. I was told that “Juliet” would be played by Suzanna. I heard some rumors in the lobby of the theater that Suzanna was heavily injured because she sacrificed herself for Terry. That she was using this as a reason to ask Terry to marry her. I was crushed, I lost myself in the lobby of the theater. Even I . . . detested Suzanna. My heart trembled in rage, thinking that it was cowardly of her to tie Terry down in such a way.
Even though I had come to see Terry play a leading role in a play, I could no longer focus on the show, and made my way towards Jacob Hospital where Suzanna was.
It was snowing. It was such a cold night.
Finally. Finally, I was able to see Terry — Just as Suzanna sent me away when I went to go see Terry at a hotel in Chicago when he was on the road, just as she hid the letters I had sent, I never wanted Suzanna to get in my way. I was determined to be straight with her and tell her exactly that.
But — Suzanna was injured a lot more than I had thought. And, I found out that she loved Terry a lot more than I had thought.
— If I’m alive, all I’ll do is get in you and Terry’s way.
She said so and even tried to jump off the roof of the hospital in the snow. No, if I didn’t stop her, I’m sure she would have jumped and killed herself. That was when — I understood that this was impossible.
Terry was there. On the roof of the hospital, Terry was just standing there dumbfoundedly. In the heavy snow, he came running after the performance. Terry picked Suzanna up and hugged her, as she cried quietly. Terry’s expression filled with agony—. I couldn’t keep my eyes on them, and I looked down. And I decided for myself. If I don’t give up, I’m going to make Terry suffer.
Suzanna and myself. I don’t think it’s fair to compare who loved Terry more.
Me too! . . . I just wanted to scream that. But it’s impossible for Terry and myself to forget about Suzanna. I understood in that instance that I would not be able to go off without Suzanna and be happy. I just have to go home — as soon as I can.
That night, I was only able to speak to Terry a little bit. When I tried to leave the hospital, Terry suddenly came and hugged me from behind. He held me tight, super tight —.
— I wanted to stay there . . . for a little longer . . .
Terry’s voice. Terry’s deep voice that I love so much. I have never prayed for time to stop more than I did then.
Terry’s cold tears that I felt on my neck. And —
The heat in Terry’s heart when he held me still lives in me.
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